Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
