I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
