So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
