he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
