so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Green mimosas i think yes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
