three words: i give head
three words: not that well
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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