Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
