It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
