Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
