Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
