If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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