I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
