The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
