So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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