Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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