idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I met the friendliest cop last night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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