wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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