Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
