I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
