Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
