I hate your face
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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