btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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