my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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