i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
