he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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