Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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