he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Holy shit dude........stairs
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
