I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
