needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
