Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
