apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
