babies were throwing up all over the place
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
