My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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