i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
