They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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