It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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