he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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