I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
