I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
