I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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