I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
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The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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