saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
