Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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