Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
