Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
