The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
