I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
