R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
