It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
