Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My pussy is not your playground.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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