I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
