Even the bartender felt bad for me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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