i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
