real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
