I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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