There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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