Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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