I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
