I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I touched a dick in church today
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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