I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
