My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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