Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
