Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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