i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
