We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
