but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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