its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
