You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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