I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
